Beam Saddle

Beam Saddle
What do you think of this opening paragraph for a story I’m writing?

It was almost dark. The last beams of light flickered over the sandy streets, lighting the way for the people bustling to and fro. A hot breeze blew, upsetting the sand and throwing it into the air in small clouds. Monkeys ran about, chattering to themselves, and stealing bits of food. Camels and elephants were scarce at this time of day, but still you could see them, tired and dusty, trotting through the streets with red velvet saddles and gold tassels, as Traders and the occasional King’s Man rode through the outskirts of the City. During the day it was swelteringly hot, and the ground was dried and cracked; any drop of water spilled would simply evaporate on the spot. The hot sun would glare down at them, and the sky was free of clouds. At night it would cool down, and Fable enjoyed that.

None of this has any relevance unless it relates to someone or something else. Put your main character into this setting and let us see it as he/she sees it, and let us know how it relates to him. Do the monkeys steal food from ‘him?’ Does ‘he’ laugh about it? Is ‘he’ angry because it was the only bit of food he has, and he has no money to buy more? Is ‘he’ sweltering in the heat? Is ‘he’ wishing for rain?

Whatever you have him thinking and doing creates the kind of character he is and tells us things about him. It makes your description relevant and gives it meaning, rather than just having a bunch of descriptive words on the page. Everything you write should relate in some way to your characters, otherwise, you don’t need it. And placing a character in the scene also gives the story movement – something is happening – so again, it’s not just a bunch of words on the page.

Hope it helps!